do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
