i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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