You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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