Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
