Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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