i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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