my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
