He uses pillows to masturbate.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
