We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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