as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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