I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
