its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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