Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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