I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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