woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
