maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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