my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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