we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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