dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
