weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
