worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
