i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
