My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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