she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
