He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
