I wish life had little blips of pornography
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
