it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
