drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
