i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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