if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
