just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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