just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
