oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
