you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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