I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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