I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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