Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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