My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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