"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
