so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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