Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
