Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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