no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
