I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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