I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
