They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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