He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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