I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize