obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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