did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
