well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
