it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
