you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
