I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
