he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
