just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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