Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
